Parenting after divorce is one of those things that people can’t prepare you for. It’s totally different and has a ton of unique challenges that don’t exist when the parents are married and living under one roof. Depending on your custody setup, one of the challenges can be finding the time to be with your kids.
7 Tips for Getting More Time With Your Kids
Even in situations where the divorce is messy and there are extenuating circumstances, it’s almost always in everyone’s best interests – the kids, especially – to make sure both parents get as much face-to-face time with the children as possible. Making this work, however, can sometimes be tricky. Here are a few tips:
- Craft a Parenting Plan
A solid parenting plan is essential to ensure your kids’ needs are at the center of your arrangements. A well-thought-out plan goes beyond just splitting days and times. It should focus on creating routines that offer stability and allow quality bonding opportunities for both parents.
“As a parent, you have a right to spend time with your children,” attorney Rowdy G. Williams notes. “You shouldn’t let your spouse walk all over you and try to claim they deserve more time because of some irrelevant factor that they want to cling to.”
When setting up the schedule, think about your kids’ routines, activities, and preferences, alongside the obligations you and your ex may have. While a traditional 50/50 split might sound ideal, it’s not always feasible if it disrupts your children’s routines. Instead, look for creative arrangements that fit both households and prioritize your kids’ best interests.
- Be Flexible With Your Schedule
Flexibility is one of the most valuable traits you can bring to your parenting schedule. While routine is beneficial, life happens, and rigid schedules can sometimes lead to more frustration than balance. If you’re willing to adjust, you’ll open the door to more time with your kids on special occasions or around their activities.
For instance, if you know your ex has a work trip, be ready to swap days. This not only shows your commitment to spending time with your kids, but also fosters goodwill with your co-parent, which might lead to more opportunities in the future. (Do your best not to let your issues with your ex get in the way of being cooperative for the sake of the children. You have to learn to compartmentalize your relationship with your ex, no matter how much pride you have to swallow.)
- Communicate Openly with Your Ex-Spouse
Clear, effective communication with your ex is vital in building a flexible and cooperative parenting arrangement. Though talking to an ex-spouse isn’t always easy, keeping communication channels open and positive can make a significant difference in how smoothly your parenting schedule runs.
Try setting a regular time each month to discuss any scheduling adjustments, upcoming events, or issues. By establishing a routine conversation, you’ll be more likely to stay on the same page. Use online co-parenting tools and apps to streamline planning and share calendars. This can help avoid misunderstandings and make it easier to request changes without having to get into lengthy discussions every time.
- Focus on Relationships
While spending time with your kids is crucial, the quality of that time matters even more. Don’t just focus on the amount of time you’re getting – think about how you’re using it. Plan activities that allow you to connect with them deeply, whether that’s playing a sport they love, cooking their favorite meals together, or simply spending quiet time listening to them.
The goal is to create meaningful interactions that strengthen your bond. This could be as simple as an evening spent reading or talking about their day. When you make the most of each moment, even shorter amounts of time can feel much more fulfilling for you and your kids.
- Be Involved in Their Day-to-Day Lives
Just because you don’t live under the same roof doesn’t mean you can’t be involved in the daily parts of their lives. You can attend their school events, help with homework over video calls, or join virtual parent-teacher meetings if you can’t be there in person. Keeping up with their progress in school and interests shows your children that you’re fully engaged in their lives, even on days when they’re not with you.
Ask your ex about school and activity schedules and mark your calendar so you can plan to attend whenever possible. It might seem minor, but showing up for these routine parts of their lives means the world to your kids, and it helps them feel like you’re a constant, supportive presence.
- Be Flexible With Holiday and Vacation Arrangements
Holidays and vacations can sometimes be sources of tension between divorced parents, but they can also be a fantastic opportunity to carve out extended time with your kids. Work with your ex to plan holiday schedules in advance so both of you know what to expect and can prepare accordingly.
If your standard arrangement is alternating holidays, try considering a different approach, such as dividing the day so that each parent gets some time or trading off major holidays and planning alternative celebrations. You could also plan a short getaway during non-holiday weekends to create a mini vacation of your own.
- Keep an Open Mind
Your parenting plan doesn’t have to be set in stone. As your children grow, their needs will change, and the same arrangement that works now may not work in a few years. Staying open to adjustments allows you to adapt to their changing needs and find new ways to be part of their lives. (This goes back to the importance of putting aside differences and having a solid co-parenting relationship with your ex.)
If your children start new activities or want to spend more time with friends, consider ways to shift your time together. For example, if your teenagers start going to social events on weekends, adjusting your schedule to spend more time with them during the week could help.
Put Your Kids’ Needs First
Above all, remember that your kids’ needs are at the core of any good parenting plan. While it’s natural to want more time with them, always consider what’s best for their well-being, emotional stability, and happiness. This may mean adjusting your own desires and working around your ex’s schedule, even when it’s inconvenient.
Your children will notice your commitment, and they’ll benefit from the stability you’re building. By making a concerted effort to prioritize their needs, you’ll show your kids they are loved and supported by both parents, even after a divorce.
