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Divorcing a Covert Narcissist

Divorcing a Covert Narcissist

According to scientists, being love-struck releases high dopamine levels associated with pleasurable experiences similar to the euphoria of taking drugs such as cocaine and alcohol.

Sadly, having a euphoric feeling can sometimes mean making irrational decisions when committing to relationships because you can tend to overlook some red flags in your partner.

In worst-case scenarios, you end up with an incompatible partner, such as a narcissist, but you only realize it after you are in a marriage relationship. The only way out in such a situation is divorce, but like everything else about a narcissist, divorce will not be any easier.

Who Is a Narcissist

A typical narcissist is someone with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and self-entitlement. They also rarely show any concern for boundaries or the feelings of others. In other words, they are the kind of person many people would call cold. Narcissistic tendencies stem from insecurity, inadequacy, low self-esteem, and poor self-worth.

Narcissists can be overt or covert. The character of overtly narcissistic individuals is easy for everyone to notice and is typically what most people think of when they think of a narcissist. Their self-absorbed, self-centered tendencies are evident to everyone around them, and it is unlikely that you will not notice these tendencies before getting into a marriage unless you ignore them.

A covert narcissist is the complete opposite of an overt narcissist. They will be quiet, self-deprecating, and always look for love and acceptance. Initially, they can strike you as a nice person, so it is easy to get entangled in a relationship with them.

Living With a Covert Narcissist

While they may put on a nice guy façade, covert narcissists cannot empathize with others. Their focus is almost always on themselves, and they have problems genuinely connecting with others. They will always find flaws in themselves, hoping to gain some attention and sympathy. They are also overly sensitive to criticism, can be easily humiliated by comments, and tend to suffer from depression and anxiety more often.

“Covert narcissists make for quite difficult partners. While most of their aggression is passive, such as silent treatment, gas lighting, and manipulation, they can also be explosive in some situations,” says attorney Matt Towson of Towson Law Firm.

Navigating Divorce with a Covert Narcissist

Serving divorce papers to a covert narcissist can feel like betrayal and make for a very complicated divorce process. In most cases, they will attempt to manipulate you by faking an illness, threatening suicide, and other things that can get you to sympathize with them. When such tactics do not work, they can become aggressive or physically abusive.

While you may not have the experience of working through a divorce with a narcissist, living with them can give you an idea of what to expect.

An amicable divorce is almost out of the question when working with a narcissist. You can also expect to fight over everything from child custody, property division, child custody, and everything in between. So, you want to get an experienced lawyer to help you navigate the process.

Get Help

If the relationship is abusive, you may also want to take legal action against your soon-to-be ex-partner, such as getting a restraining order.

Sometimes, you may want to move from home if you feel in danger. Also, lean on others for help. For example, you can talk about what you are going through with a family member, friend, or therapist.

Talking through your problems is one way of decompressing and can be very helpful when navigating a difficult divorce.

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